4:06 p.m. - 2009-06-25
Cry Enthusiastically.
I went out for more jobs today. I feel like throwing out some useless applications.
I went to Allstate and i know, it feels like a longshot, but i took a chance. It's small in there, enough for maybe 5 peoople to have their own space comfortably. It looked solitary but, a woman helped me out.
I asked her if they were needing anyone, so immediately, she asked me if i spoke spanish and i said yes. She asked me if i had kids, i said no.
She asked me if i lived around here, so i told her that i did, here in Lancaster and that i needed this job. She jotted my name down, my phone number and my age.
"You never know what can happen", she said. I smiled at her, thanked her, and continued my rounds.
Some of these places weren't taking people till August or after Summer and i couldn't wait that long. I need to work and i need to make money. I'm broke and i want to go back to school only i'm still unsure about what my major should be.
I'm thinking about Child Care but it's still pending inside my head.
CPS was something i really wanted, but they let me down. I don't think people should offer jobs unless they're sure they're really going to give it to you. They made me cry enthusiastically for nothing. Gah! that makes me angry thinking about it.
I'm not holding my breath for Allstate but i can hope right?
there can't be shame in hoping.
It's so close to home.
In DeSoto.
2-4 minutes by car just because Lancaster and DeSoto are divided.
It seems perfect in comparison to Lewisville which is 1 hour away. It would have been a hassle to drive all that way.
Maybe there was a reason it worked out that way.
Whatever.
I'm still just resting on the idea.
Mom is telling me exactly what i should say to the woman i spoke to about the job in case she calls. Her eyes widen and i think she wants this more than i do, only she has more of an OCD way of dealing with it.
I'm just praying about it...
only i don't know if God is still listening.
I might not be so close to him anymore.
Then Dad came into my room last night and briefly told me that one of these days him and mom wanted to talk to me about something church related because "things were going to change" and that i needed to make a decision about God. I looked down the entire time because i didn't want to hear it. I was becoming increasingly annoyed with this ridiculous pressure he was putting me through forcing me to make a desicion i wasn't ready to make.
I needed to sort things out on my own pace, time...but when he left i rubbed my eyes and sighed. I didn't want to hear him anymore.
I wanted to move out already. I wanted Sarah and i and possibly another friend of ours to be our roommate too and we could get a place nearby, but i can't do that until i get a steady job and Sarah doesn't have one either. I think i might call her tonight and motivate her to find something quick so maybe Teresa could help her.
I hope i can at least get some of these things off the ground.
You have no idea how it is to feel trapped.
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